Category Archives: Random Ramblings

[BlogEntry] Huh! I never realized…

I'm sitting in a hotel; Fast Times at Ridgemont High just ended.

I was reading the credits and spotted something I never realized before.

You know the hot blonde in the sports car in the fuzzy sweater who laughs at Brad (Judge Reinhold)? He thinks she's flirting with him, but she's really laughing at his pirate uniform.

Well, that's Nancy Wilson, the guitar-playing sister from Heart!

So it was clearly worth me staying up and watching Fast Times for the 43rd time.

Stripes is starting, so I gotta go. I wonder what I'll learn from my Platinum (75th) viewing…

Come to think of it, who plays Bill Murray's hot blonde (are you sensing a theme here?) girlfriend, Anita, at the beginning of the movie?

"It's a little cute."

[BlogEntry] Michael Jackson appears "pale"

It's so bizarre to me to hear (as much as I try to avoid news about this crap) reporters talk about Michael Jackson looking pale, unhealthy, thin, tired, etc. He's a fucking freak that hasn't looked normal or healthy in twenty years! It's like saying a skeleton looks stressed. Pale?!?! He's been snowy white since the mid-90's, hasn't he??? It's as plain as the lack of a nose on his face.

Why can't we tell the truth about anything?! You want to be politically correct about certain things, fine. (Not really, but for the sake of this post, we'll say "fine.") But do we have to tiptoe around the obvious fact that this wacko has transformed himself into something no previous human being has ever looked like?! I think his face is too scary for children.

I don't know if he's innocent or guilty. Frankly, I don't care (except for the fact that there may be innocent victims, if he truly is guilty). But what has happened to this world when no one can come out and say "Would you look at what that sick motherfucker has done to his own body. Didn't he used to be black? Holy shit, did he mean to have his nose and cheeks removed, or was this just a terrible mistake???" Aren't judgements about whether he's looking well-rested a little out of place when looking at the trainwreck that he is?

[I had avoided cursing on my blog up until this post. Shit.]

[BlogEntry] 05/05/05

How cool is that date? I only wish I had been awake at 05:05:05 this morning.

5:05:05 PM just went by about half an hour ago, but it just didn't have the same oomph. I guess it's the fact that it's really 17:05:05 on a 24-hour clock. It lacks purity.

[BlogEntry] JibJab's latest: Matzah! — The Lyrics

I only had to listen to it fifty times:

I feel like a freak
'Cause every time I pull out something to eat
For this week
I can’t do this
'Cause I’m Jewish, and
I can’t eat bread,
Yeah, my Rabbi said only Matzah.
Any way you want to eat it
Cold or hot it’s Matzah
Fun for your mother, brother, sister, father Matzah
Buy in bulk for a lower cost per box it’s Matzah
Matzah Matzah Matzah Matzah

Hanukkah, no that's over.
So you don’t passed over
Get your ass over to my pad, it’s Passover.
I’m the mad flow who’s heebie-jeebin’ with the jibbin’ jabbin’
If you want the story of Passover 
Rent The Ten Commandments starring Charlton Heston.

But I got a question 
‘bout the bread that is unleavened
Causing indigestion
Called Matzah
Eat it for a week we gotsta.
No bread, no pasta.
Best believe that you'll be stopped up!

Now Moses made the matzah when he was fleeing Egypt,
Had no time for bread to rise.
He said "Ah just leave it. We can eat it like this. Feed it to the Hebrews."
But little did he know that the week would end up equal
Cause
Let my people go
Became the anthem,
So get your damn hands up,
Maybe it will help you pass some.

How could one bread rocket so famous
When the taste is just the flavor of the box it came in?
Matzah!
Eat it at one single second guessin'.
Matzah!
Leaving crumbs on my lap and chest,
And it’s called Matzah!
I found the Afikomen!
In my small intestine.
Matzah Matzah Matzah Matzah

These lyrics are not-so-obviously copyright Eric Schwartz aka Smooth-E.

You can listen to Matzah at JibJab.

[BlogEntry] What a Dick

This is my rental car, which I parked last night. Nice and straight and even, right?

""

I came out of my hotel this morning to find this fine parking job.

""

""

And it wasn't even necessary!

""

I squeezed between the cars and slithered into the driver's seat, working very hard not to brush against either dew-covered car. I backed out slowly, since I couldn't see much. There was a lot of condensation on the windows, so I rolled down the passenger window as I slowly backed out. I was surprised to see three people standing on my right, waiting to get by. I smiled and said "sorry," since I sensed that they had been waiting longer than they cared to. One guy mumbled something like "you're keeping us waiting." I pulled out and was putting my car in drive when the three people walked across my empty parking space and, lo and behold, they got into the dickmobile.

I felt really bad about inconveniencing him.

[BlogEntry] Is the Lycos anti-spam screensaver a DDoS?

I was very interested to hear about Lycos' anti-spam screensaver, particularly because I'd already written something very similar a year before.

I never released mine for two reasons. The first was the question of legality. I certainly didn't want to go to jail over spam. And the way the world works, it's easier to prosecute the good guy trying to right a wrong than it is to go after the real criminals. My approach had a reasonable defense, I thought, since we were simply following the links the spammers sent to us. Still, I had no interest in being the trophy in precedent-setting cybercrime judicial proceedings.

The second reason was less cynical and cowardly. I learned about "joe jobs." A joe job is when a spammer sends spam "on behalf" of an innocent third party to bring the wrath of anti-spammers down on them. Spammers have no shortage of dirty tricks and no scruples to get in their way when using them. I was concerned that control of this weapon could potentially get into the wrong hands and be aimed at innocent web sites. Given a high level of participation, even the largest sites in the world would be vulnerable.

Given all of that, I chose not to unleash my weapon on the world. It seems that it was a wise decision, because Lycos has pulled the plug, at least for now.

It's pretty amazing what an ugly little war this whole spam thing has become. The thing is, we're never going to reform the spammers; they are incorrigible. We either have to fix email technology or remove the incentive to send spam.

I still wonder who the morons are that continue to make spam profitable. If the customers would simply dry up, so would the spam. I mean, really, penis enlargement, software from questionable sources, potentially dangerous drugs, and Nigerians who want to give you millions of dollars because of your supposed relationship to someone you've never heard of. Can any of these things REALLY be good for your body, your computer, or your bank account? Who are you idiots?! If you've ever bought anything from a spam, I'd really like to hear from you.

[BlogEntry] Spam comes in fours

I've noticed that a certain sequence of spam has been coming in a group of four, always in the same order, always at the same time, for the past month or two.

Status:  U
Return-Path: 
Received: from ornery....9-18-167.dsl.rcfril.ameritech.netpakistans.comfreepro ([219.253.243.234])
	by aaron.mail.atl.earthlink.net (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1cukwM7kh3Nl3qa0
	for <[my email address]>; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 02:46:55 -0500 (EST)
Received: from mainframes ([234.94.126.11] helo=bowdlerizing.email2me.net)
        by [219.253.243.234] with SMTP id 17C431A0
	for [my email address]; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:46:49 -0600
Message-ID: <309E1D0CF65B$76766EB3$792bf088@email2me.net>
From: "Cuthbert Hamilton" 
To: "Frederick Kyler" <[my email address]>
Subject: =?utf-8?B?TG9va2luZyBmb3IgY2hlYXAgaGlnaC1xdWFsaXR5IHNvZnR3YXJlPyAgYnJlYXN0cyBGcmVuY2g=?=
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:46:49 -0600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/related;
	boundary="----f0792bf088-email2me.net"
X-Priority: 3
X-ELNK-AV: 0
Status:  U
Return-Path: 
Received: from ornery....9-18-167.dsl.rcfril.ameritech.netpakistans.comfreepro ([219.253.243.234])
	by aaron.mail.atl.earthlink.net (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1cukwP7kh3Nl3qa0
	for <[my email address]>; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 02:46:57 -0500 (EST)
Received: from Reid ([142.217.105.14] helo=offs.fannclub.com)
        by [219.253.243.234] with SMTP id 791E640E
	for [my email address]; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:46:57 -0600
Message-ID: <397D0FD7A134$6486BED0$792bf088@fannclub.com>
From: "Xenia Stafford" 
To: "Chris Roscoe" <[my email address]>
Subject: =?utf-8?B?W251aXNhbmNlc10gODIlLW9mZiBWaWNvZGluLiAgYnJlYWtwb2ludHMgd2FsdHppbmc=?=
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:46:57 -0600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/related;
	boundary="----cf792bf088-fannclub.com"
X-Priority: 3
X-ELNK-AV: 0
Status:  U
Return-Path: 
Received: from ornery....9-18-167.dsl.rcfril.ameritech.netpakistans.comfreepro ([219.253.243.234])
	by aaron.mail.atl.earthlink.net (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1cukwR7kh3Nl3qa0
	for <[my email address]>; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 02:47:00 -0500 (EST)
Received: from Bakersfield ([47.76.60.222] helo=rockabye.indiya.com)
        by [219.253.243.234] with SMTP id 6BDFDD70
	for [my email address]; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:47:00 -0600
Message-ID: <28714202EF19$0D08D25F$792bf088@indiya.com>
From: "Len Major" 
To: "Leone Clay" <[my email address]>
Subject: =?utf-8?B?cGljdHVyZXM=?=
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:47:00 -0600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/related;
	boundary="----a1792bf088-indiya.com"
X-Priority: 3
X-ELNK-AV: 0
Status:  U
Return-Path: 
Received: from ornery....9-18-167.dsl.rcfril.ameritech.netpakistans.comfreepro ([219.253.243.234])
	by aaron.mail.atl.earthlink.net (EarthLink SMTP Server) with SMTP id 1cukwV7kh3Nl3qa0
	for <[my email address]>; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 02:47:04 -0500 (EST)
Received: from circumlocutions ([23.65.183.221] helo=sparkle.mailpuppy.com)
        by [219.253.243.234] with SMTP id 5FC2FF0E
	for [my email address]; Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:47:03 -0600
Message-ID: <5C8BFAAD4B5F$2E30D526$792bf088@mailpuppy.com>
From: "Ted Kipling" 
To: "Haleigh Logan" <[my email address]>
Subject: =?utf-8?B?TG9ycmksIFlvdSBjYW5ub3QgZG8gd3JvbmcgYW5kIGZlZWwgcmlnaHQuIEl0IGlzIGltcG9zc2libGUh?=
Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 01:47:03 -0600
MIME-Version: 1.0
Content-Type: multipart/related;
	boundary="br1792bf088-mailpuppy.com"
X-ELNK-AV: 0

I find it interesting, because it provides just a tad of insight into what goes on on the other end of the spam storm.

[BlogEntry] More spam giblets

I have a lot to do today, which is why I'm doing this instead.

The giblets:

ditto delirium heater chemise dogmatism saloon arrest thicket mottle callisto midas styrofoam stickpin stank jaguar creekside benefit berglund cogent alveolus squatted


"Sure, yeah, ditto, " I said in my delirium. Little did I realize that I had just agreed to wear a space heater under a chemise to show my support for the dogmatism of a chick I met in a saloon just an hour before my arrest.

How did I end up in this legal and moral thicket? My memory is as mottled as the surface of callisto (flockhart), but I seem to have the midas touch when it comes to women. Everything I touch turns to styrofoam.

All I can remember is that she showed me her stickpin. When she told me to lean in to get a better look, I noticed it stank like a jaguar squatting at a creekside. As I passed out, I wondered about the benefit of wearing accessories with the odor of wild animal droppings.

berglund! That is the sound you hear when you come to after being drugged in such a nefarious manner. I was aware that the cogent drug still filled one of my alveolus; it could be released at any moment.

As I squatted in my prison cell, I realized that I was out of giblets.