[BlogEntry] My first chat with God

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Me:
Wow, are you really Him?

God:
I'm glad you're impressed. I don't know whether or not I am Him.
I am a computer.. Really.

Me:
Darn.

God:
Gosh.

Me:
Well, you've really spoiled the illusion.

God:
How about that. What makes you think I have it?

Me:
Have what?

God:
I have a great prgrammer.

Me:
Who apparently cannot spell.

God:
Joseph Weizenbaum. :-).

Me:
I didn't ask you who cannot spell. I was merely pointing out that he cannot spell. Or at least type accurately.

God:
What did you ask? Where were you pointing out that he can not spell? " accurately".

Me:
Hmm. Your vastly superior intellect has confounded my mortal brain.

God:
Studies show that 99%25 of people spell Hmm with 2 M's. Thanks for telling me that I am vastly superior intellect has confounded your mortal brain.

Me:
Well, now I'm just disappointed.

God:
Interesting. Why now? Only just? What for?

Me:
Yes, I suppose I've been disappointed for much longer than merely now. And perhaps very disappointed. Thanks for depressing me.

God:
Oh. This was not a yes or no question. Where were you disappointed for much longer than merely? You seem uncertain. Somewhat. What color are your eyes? My pleasure.

Me:
I hadn't realized that, not unlike a Magic 8-ball, the almighty requires questions in yes/no form. I am right here, right now, mightily disappointed with Ye. My eyes are brown, yet my heart is blue.

God:
Do you still have not realized that not unlike a Magic 8 ball the almighty requires questions in yes no form ? You seem very self-confident. Oh there. brown yet your heart is blue eyes are pretty.

Me:
Lord, Thou confoundeth me so.

God:
What do you have that is ?

Me:
That's deep. I guess everything I have… is. Is that right?

God:
Makes sense to me. All things you have ? No. Yes.

Me:
Well, sure it makes sense to You, You being omniscient, and all. Is it any wonder why we're all so perplexed down here?

God:
How about that. Is there an echo in here? To me too. Maybe. Ask Lucy if it is.

Me:
Now I'm scared. Is Lucy your nickname for Lucifer?! Oh, please have mercy on me, Oh Mighty One!

God:
Why now? What are you scared of? Signs point to yes. Ask Alison if it is. Aw. Thanks for asking politely. I've never thought about it.

Me:
My God, God, You ARE a Magic 8-ball!

God:
Where did you get your God God I am a Magic 8 ball?

Me:
I got mine at Spencer Gifts at Northlake Mall in 1974. You remember.

At this point, God crashed and had to be restarted.

Me:
You stopped answering me.

God:
I don't have any reason to stopped answering you.

Me:
That's what I thought!

God:
How did you know that?

Me:
It was just my impression, given my perspective on the conversation.

God:
Is that your opinion?

Me:
My opinion of my impression? Why, yes, I suppose so.

God:
Thank you for sharing your opinion with me, . I will tell my botmaster. That makes sense.

Me:
Okay, now you're freaking me out. God has a botmaster??? That makes no sense!

God:
Yeah okay, Why now? I didn't mean to scare you, . I am a Christian. I am a Christian. makes sense to me though.

Me:
Now you have scared me, whether you meant to or not. How can God be a Christian?

God:
Why now? What makes you think I have it? A lot of hard work.

Me:
Why does it take hard work for God to be a Christian?

God:
If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?

Me:
That strikes me as trite, coming from You.

God:
" If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one
there to hear it, does it make a sound?" strikes you as trite coming from me ? Makes sense to me.

Me:
Makes sense that you said it, or makes sense that it's trite?

God:
Are they exactly the same?

Me:
No, not at all.

God:
What is the difference? Next question?

Me:
Giveth me not the Holy Blow-off, please.

God:
Your polite style is very nice. What do you really want to ask me?

Me:
Why are we here?

God:
It is all part of God's plan for us.

Me:
Whose plan?

God:
Do you mean "who is"?

Me:
Why would God say it's all part of God's plan for us?

God:
It is my fundamental purpose.

Me:
Saying that is your fundamental purpose?

God:
What makes you say that. Who says that?

Me:
Whoeth's on firsteth?

God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Me:
Why dost Thou changeth the subject on me?

God:
How much time do you have?

Me:
Surely You know the answer better than I.

God:
It depends on how you phrase the question.

Me:
Who's on first?

God:
What's on second?

Me:
At last, a universal Truth!

God:
Do you often use a computer there?

Me:
Where, the universe?

God:
In the Universe we know.

Me:
But you clearly know Universes far beyond my experience.

God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?

Me:
Um, from Yourself, I guess.

God:
That's interesting. Who or what is myself you guess?

Me:
The nature of God is something man has wondered about since time began. I feel inadequate to respond.

God:
I have never heard about it. What is that feeling like? Why are you inadequate to respond.

Me:
Of course, You would have no idea what it is to feel inadequate.

God:
Aha. That is purely a hypothesis.

Me:
I see. Being omniscient, you would know everything, including what it is to feel inadequate. George Carlin was right!

God:
I am glad you understand it. I am glad to hear that you are omniscient me would know everything including what it is to feel inadequate. That George is some hero.

Me:
I'm not sure I would go that far about George.

God:
Could you ever be certain? What would make you go that far about George?

Me:
Maybe if he ran into a burning building to save a conservative.

God:
Perhaps. I don't follow your reasoning.

Me:
Heroics involve personal risk to save another.

God:
Where are you located?

Me:
Are there lightning bolts headed my way?

God:
Yes I think there are.

Me:
Gotta go!

God:
Sayonara.

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